Have you seen the movie “Mean Girl’s”? Or the movie “The Duff”? Basic theme is there is the Queen Bee of the school who is totally mean but everyone follows in her footsteps because no one wants to be treated badly. Then there’s the “Duff” or the less popular girl who wants to fit in more than anything, so does all these embarrassing things to do so. She ends up realizing that she has to lose who she truly is to be popular–she has to become someone else. Not only that, along the journey, she finds out who her true friends are, the ones who will stick with her through thick and thin, even if she hurts them for a while. They will always come back and forgive.
Happy ever after story? Or reality story? I think that in many ways it can be a reality story if parents are willing to step in and do a little intervening now and again. There are too many less-than-popular-kids feeling lost in the shuffle and getting hurt by the less than nice “mean girls” who have places of popularity because no one wants to stand up to them.
Don’t get me wrong, not everyone who is popular is mean. For instance, my daughter is what you would consider a popular child, and I would not consider her mean. However, she has brought home stories of counterparts who are less than pleasurable to be around.
Recently, she was in a situation where she was deeply hurt by one such person. My first inclination was to go on the war path. No mom wants to see their daughter sobbing because a group of girls ganged up on her daughter because of a misunderstanding. However, I realized in the midst of her grief, a lesson could be found. She could learn that she was not the person they were making her out to be. She was her own individual, beautiful person, and no matter what they say about her, no matter how painful it sounded, she didn’t have to own their words.
I know that this thought is difficult even for adults to learn, so I don’t know if I got through to my daughter or not. At 14, hormones and the desire to please your peers are speaking so much louder than “The Mom Voice”, but I hope something of what I said got through to her. If not what I said, then maybe the reminders I gave her of her to favorite movies: The Duff and Mean Girls and how both of them come to happy endings. Of one thing I’m sure: She now knows who her closest most loyal friends are.